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Once In Care Herself, Busy 22-Year-Old Takes Care — and Custody — of Her Baby Sister
Trasvina, with baby sister Marlene
When Maritza Trasvina's mother had to give her and her siblings up ten years ago to deal with an addiction problem, Trasvina did everything in her power to stay out of foster homes.
She persevered in group homes instead, eventually aging out of state care into a busy adulthood that includes two jobs and community college classes.
But when the 22-year-old youth advocate with ACCESS, Inc.'s YES Transition Network heard recently that her newborn baby sister was going to be taken from her mother and put in foster care, Trasvina put her own busy life on the back burner and vowed to take care of the infant herself. ACCESS, Inc. is the Jim Casey grantee in San Diego.
"I know there are some good foster homes out there, but from my experience and what I've seen and heard, I just didn't want my little sister going to a foster home," said Trasvina, who also is an Opportunity Passport™ participant. "I was in a situation where I could take care of my sister even though I knew it was going to be a lot of work for me."
So for six months, Trasvina played the dual roles of sister and mother – changing diapers and warming bottles, in between doing homework and working two full-time jobs. When Trasvina's classes or work shifts couldn't be rearranged, her siblings – ages 24, 19 and 16 – stepped in to babysit.
The experience was an emotional one for Trasvina.
"This was a 24-hour job. It wasn't like an eight-hour shift. I couldn't be like, 'OK. I'll be back tomorrow," she said. "At first I was like 'I'm so scared.' She was so tiny."
Today, however, Marlene is "fat and chunky," Trasvina said, with a laugh. And the family is happy to report that the baby is back in her mother's custody.
The story of how little Marlene came to live with her older sister is like something from a made-for-television movie.
At 44, Trasvina's mother – who has been doing well for years now, Trasvina said – gave birth to a healthy baby girl. The family was thrilled to have a new baby in the family, until the hospital where Trasvina's mother gave birth said the girl, Marlene, was being taken away into the state care system.
"They pulled up our CPS records and they told her she couldn't have the baby; she would have to go into foster care. Because even though my Mom has been clean, she never really made the effort to get us back," said Trasvina, who was in 15 group homes from the time she was 12 until being emancipated at age 18. "It was so upsetting. We were all ready for her."
In order for Trasvina's mother to get her daughter back, she would have to complete a court-ordered 6-month rehabilitation program, which she agreed to do. But that would still mean six months of foster care for Marlene.
So the family – Trasvina's sister and two brothers – had a meeting. Unanimously, they decided they would take charge of their baby sister.
This meant Trasvina, the goal-oriented, second oldest sibling, would have to take on the task of child-rearing at 22 years old. It meant figuring out how to do that in addition to working as a library technician at the San Diego County library and as a residential care worker at Polinsky Children's Center, a temporary shelter for youth. Trasvina also is studying to get her associate's degree at Cuyamaca College in San Diego, and intends to go on to San Diego State University to get a degree in social work.
The packed schedule sounds dizzying, but Trasvina wasn't daunted.
We didn't want my sister going to foster care," Trasvina said. "So we said I would be the responsible party. They would help me out when I went to school. We all pitched in until my Mom completed her program successfully. In the beginning, it was really hard. But I wouldn't trade it in. I would do it again if I had to."
Trasvina said she also had help from her mentor, Vicki Velasco.
"She was there when times got hard financially as well as a very big support system. I'm so thankful for being blessed with such a wonderful person like Vicki," Trasvina said.
Trasvina remembers many difficult times: struggling to stay awake after near-sleepless nights; Marlene's tiny wail interrupting Trasvina's study time.
"I don't know where I got the energy," she said. "But I just didn't want to give up. You go in the system and you learn that people let you down. You learn that you can't give up because no one else is going to be there to help you. I didn't want my sister to have to go through the things we went through when we were in the system."
But Trasvina also remembers heartwarming times.
"When she would laugh and I would play with her and her legs would be going 100 miles per hour," she said, wistfully. "Just watching her grow and seeing her get older. That was the best."
Today, Marlene is nine months old, and just before Thanksgiving, a judge ordered that Trasvina's mother get full custody of the happy, laughing baby.
Does Trasvina miss her baby sister? Not one bit.
"That's because she still lives with me," Trasvina said. "I told my Mom she couldn't take her from me. So she and the baby both live with me now!"
